Fashion is one of those things that people can claim they don't care about. They can defend again and again that it doesn't matter what one wears, it's the person who wears it; That we shouldn’t “judge a book by it’s cover” and so on. But in all likelihood we will continue to judge and be judged, for the clothes on our bodies, as well as the shoes on our feet, the hairstyle we are sporting, number (if any) of tattoos and piercings and all the other preconceived notions of ‘normal’, ‘acceptable’ appearance.
I write about this topic after watching several recent segments on this topic on various news morning shows lately and because I myself judged someone on their appearance just last weekend. I took one look at this guy when he walked in the door and thought to myself: “Well, here comes trouble.”
Why are we a society that is most often drawn to the most popular, "cool" and "beautiful" people? Why do we describe ourselves first by our appearances and our personalities and abilities second? Are looks and the way we dress really that important? I dare say it is.
Back to my own shortcomings: Realizing that I was judging this man by his look, I took the time to speak with this person (and seeing as how he sat down at the same table as I was, it helped). As it turned out, this gentleman and gentle man, was anything but what my first impression implied he was.
Picture this: I’m sitting in a pub, the band is playing, we’re having our second drink (which means by now it’s after 10pm - I might be getting 'older myself here but who goes out and arrives at almost 10:30?!). The door opens and in he walks, all 6’2”, maybe 6’3” of him. He is older, I’d guess based on appearance, to be in his mid to late 60’s. His gray hair is longer than mine and my hair hits the back of my bra strap just to give you an idea of the length. If you look carefully, you can see the traces of brown that his locks surely were at one time. His gray mustache and beard are in serious need of a trim as are his eyebrows. He is dressed head to toe in black. Black boots, black jeans, black tee and black jacket. Top that all off with a black, banded with silver studs cowboy hat. He strides across the floor in what appears to be a very confident walk. Damn if I wasn’t completely taken a back. He sits down at my table.
Who was this guy? Turns out, he had one of the softest, kindest pair of eyes I’ve ever seen and was very soft spoken and eloquent with his words. Gentle and very charming, he also turned out to be very kind. I was immediately ashamed of myself for judging him based on his “look”.
Here’s the deal folks, we (all) DO judge others based on appearance. It doesn’t really matter whether you think it’s unfair or you think I’m a cold-hearted bitch for saying so. (It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been called a bitch and I’m pretty sure it won’t be the last either.) You can get all riled up about it, your undies all in a bunch and all, but the facts is it won’t affect anything. Outward appearances – your clothing, your ‘style’, your hair, make-up if you’re female, shoes, all of it – project an image that make us and others, form an opinion about someone without even speaking to each other.
Think about it… you DO judge a book by it’s cover. Let’s take this literally: When you (or I) walk into a bookstore, surf Amazon.com or the like, there are thousands of books with hundreds in any given section. You can’t tell me that you look at each and every book in the section. No, you, I, we don’t. It’s the cover and perhaps the title that catches our eye. You and I look at and read the covers/titles, and maybe browse through a dozen? Half a dozen? Before making your purchase.
The same rules apply to people. We interact with too many people to actually get to know them all. What we do is look at the ‘covers’. We optimize and judge based on appearances, just like we do with books. I was told by a friend once that her boyfriend took one look at me when we first met and told my friend “I bet she’s expensive”. Wow. Really? Trust me folks, I’m far from "expensive" and I’ve lived most of my life like the rest of ya’ll – paycheck to paycheck barely making ends meet most times.
We “label” everyone. How many times have we “assumed” that tall, thin, well-dressed female is either “rich”, “snobby” and/or unapproachable? The girl with the low cut blouse or the short skirt? Well, she’s a “slut” or a “whore” right? How many times have we come across the dressed-in-black, long haired, scruffy looking man like the one I met last Friday night and assume “trouble”? How about the guy with the plaid shirt, glasses, the anime or STFU tee and jeans? We assume "gamer"/"nerd" or "computer/IT geek" right? The guy with dirt under his nails? “poor” or “blue collar”.
Disagree? That’s okay, I’m going to tell you who judges you. Everyone. Potential employers, co-workers, potential and current mates, friends, waiters/waitresses, flight attendants, the cashier at WalMart, the police officer who pulled you over for speeding, your newspaper delivery person, the customer service representative at Best Buy, your doctor, the nurse, your neighbors, your children, your parents. Everyone.
Potential mates are evaluating your appearance even before they know your name. Employers are judging your appearance the minute you walk in the door. Waiters/Waitresses are deciding what you are likely to tip based on your clothes, never mind on how you order and interact with them. Even strangers on the street are judging you as you walk by: “Geek”, “Suit”, “Goth”, “Rich”, “Poor”, “Gay”, “Poser”,”Emo”, “Slut” to name but a (very) few. It’s all about what we are all conditioned to think of as ‘attractive’, ‘acceptable’ and ‘normal’. Anything out of this realm and we are immediately uncomfortable.
Even your friends judge you by your appearance a lot of the time. Don’t think so? Wear something completely out of the ordinary of your usual style. Dress in big baggy clothes, an over-sized Tee, slick your hair back and put on some heavy black eyeliner and see how uncomfortable they become around you. Still don’t think so? Go dye your hair purple or neon green and see what they say. They might say it looks good (more likely they’ll tell you that you look like an idiot) but you can bet your bottom dollar they’re going to notice. You can think, and even say, that you and your friends choose to be friends based on who you/they are and that it’s what’s inside that counts and that’s true – to a certain extent. However, if you think your friends don’t judge you or that you don’t judge them on appearance as well then I’d say you’re disillusioned.
Appearance says who you are. You choose what appearance to present. I’m not saying that other factors don’t matter. Good friends and your mate will judge you based on much more than your appearance but they are not blind; they will also judge you on your appearance often times as well. First impressions (ie: “I bet she’s expensive”) IS based on appearance.
All this attention to appearances should not be taken to mean that other factors do not matter. My point is other factors DO matter and SHOULD matter. However, first impressions are very much based on appearances so don’t sell yourself short. 86 The Bullshit and tell me your thoughts on appearances and first impressions. Talk to me...
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