Father's Day

So it’s Father’s Day… I’ve been absent from my blog here for over a month – so much for all that smoke eh?  I’m sure I’ll get back to it, after all, it’s still swirling around up there in my cranium somewhere, but as it is for all of us at one time or another, ‘life’ and responsibilities get in the way of what we’d really like to be doing (or in my case, writing).  Shit happens and life gets in the way.  But I digress, back to the subject at hand:  Father’s Day.  

I wonder if anyone else finds it as strange as I do that this day does not have the “emotional charge” if you will, that Mother’s Day has.  To me, it’s an almost casual day – an ‘I-almost-forgot’ day when good ‘ol dad gets a goofy card or another necktie.  There doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of emotional intensity (positive or negative) that plays out.  It just “is what it is”.  

For those of us who grew up with and knew our fathers it may be a little different; a slightly more ‘I-appreciate-you-and-all-that-you-did-for-me’, ‘thanks-for-being-there-and-supporting-me’, if not an ‘i-love-you-dad’ kind of day.  To those fathers, father-figures and step-fathers; the ones who read to, help with homework, toss a ball around, check for monsters under the bed, make you eat your vegetables, “Of course I’ll be at your ball game/dance recital”, “I’m so proud of you!” types - a resounding “Happy Father’s Day!”  

For those of us who did not grow up with their father or a father figure (I fall into this category), the day marks a sometimes painful reminder that my father had no attachment to me.  No sense of personal responsibility, emotional care or concern.  For some, perhaps our fathers were taken from us by an untimely death.  Either way, we grew up without them.

Sadly, having a physically or emotionally absent father has become somewhat common in our society.  Having established a somewhat recent relationship with my biological father, I realize he probably, for lack of a better phrase, ‘loved me in his own way’ but again, from a distance and without contact.  

With these thoughts in mind, I decided to pick up President Obama’s book Dreams of my Father.  Now whether you support President Obama or not, whether you agree or disagree with his politics/policies, health care reform etc., you must agree that here is a person who grew up without his father and quite obviously made something of himself and his life - and he did it without Dear Old Dad.

Yesterday, President Obama said during his weekly internet address when asked about Father’s Day, “I felt his absence, and I wonder what my life would have been like had he been a greater presence.”  Well, that just about sums it up now doesn’t it?  I couldn’t have said it better myself even though I have spent most of my life wondering the same damn thing.

President Obama writes in his book that “..Every man is trying to live up to his father’s expectation or make up for his father’s mistakes.”  He goes on to say that “…I suppose that may explain my particular malady as well as anything else.”  I highlighted these two phrases in the book.  Why?  Because although he didn’t have many ‘real’ interactions with his father to build from; these statements, in my opinion, are about his own quest and his own self-reflection.  

Speaking of self-reflection, which side of the equation do I fall on?  Quite obviously, I am living to make up for his (my father’s) mistakes.  Have I done a good job?  It all depends on how you look at it and the only opinion which matters to me is that of my daughter.  

Will she call me today to wish me a ‘Happy Father’s Day’?  Heck no – she also re-established a relationship with her (often absent) father some time back and I’m certain he will be the one getting the telephone call, not me.  As such, I will be calling my biological father, if not to say “Happy Father’s Day, Dad” to say hello, how are you, I was thinking of you today…

86 The Bullshit and tell me your thoughts on Father’s Day as I’ve told you mine… talk to me…