What is a house? A house is a structure serving as a dwelling for one or more persons. It is a structure on its own piece of land, perhaps with a lush green lawn and plants outside. Perhaps it sits on the edge of an ocean, or down a long lane in the midst of a beautiful forest, surrounded by tall and majestic trees. Maybe the house is in the heart of a city or on the edge of a lake or the middle of a lush green field of grass. It has a pitched roof, walls covered in brick or siding. The house has windows that we can open and close at will which serve to let in fresh air, lock in heat or air conditioning or lock out a nasty downpour or windstorm. The house has doors so that we may enter and leave but they also serve to keep us and/or our possessions locked inside when necessary.
Before a house is built, the possibilities are wide open as to the size, layout, number of rooms, windows, doors and type of house if one were to build it themselves. Will I build a colonial, ranch or a cape? A bungalow, log cabin or split level? Even if you were to build an igloo, to build a house, one must first grade and prepare the site the house is to be built upon and pour it’s foundation.
Many factors determine the progress of construction: time, weather, the people we have to deal with such as contractors and sub-contractors schedules, money and cash flow to name but a few. Eventually however, the house’s foundation is completed having been made from bricks, cinder blocks and concrete with many reinforcement bars in needed locations. Once the concrete is poured, it hardens and forms massive concrete beams on which the house rests and construction of the floors can begin. The floors are built in direct contact with the foundation, carefully framed out with pressure treated lumber. Once the floor’s framing is complete, the floor itself is laid on top of the framing and the walls can now be constructed. We can begin to see how the house will take shape. We imagine the walls being built, the windows put into place, the layout of the rooms. We see ourselves living in this house and because we are building it, it will be exactly what we want. Right?
The exterior walls are up next. These are built on the ground and then erected and raised into place. They are constructed with a sole plate and two top plates to provide strength and durability to our house and ensure it will last and stand for many years to come. Strength and durability are important characteristics needed to build a house.
The exterior walls are wrapped on the outside with house wrap and insulated from the inside to keep us warm and snug. Once the exterior walls are up, the interior walls can be constructed and the trusses to support the roof are made. The trusses are then attached to the walls - again to provide strength and durability. Inside the house, things are now beginning to look enclosed however, we still need to put in the windows and doors so that we can enter and exit, let in and shut out the elements whenever we choose to do so.
Once the outside of the house is complete and it is sufficiently formidable, protected from everything outside the house - the outside world and weather; it is then that the interior construction can begin.
With all the renovations going on in my house, while I am not building a house, I am still building a house am I not? Can we, you or me, be likened to the building of a house? Let me see if I can explain what I mean. A child is born. This child could be me, it could be you. The time, meaning year of birth, doesn’t matter. The child is born with trust. We draw our first breath and the only thing we know is how to trust. We trust someone will hold us, comfort us, feed us and that someone will love us. We trust we will not be dropped on our heads, that our soiled diapers will be changed, that someone will be there when we wake up and cry and we trust that that we will not be neglected. We don’t even realize it as a baby because well, we’re babies, but we’re born with trust. Initially, it’s all we have and we give it freely. Much like our house, it is our foundation. The possibility of what lies ahead is endless.
Trust is the foundation of so many emotions such as happiness, joy, excitement and the one emotion we all desire: love. The breaking of trust is responsible for many other emotions such as sadness, disappointment and fear.
As we live our lives and grow, we inevitably experience things that erode our trust. It begins with simple little things like when we are learning to walk and falling before someone can catch us and it moves to bigger things like finding out a friend was saying unkind things or perhaps a reneged promise by a parent. As we grow older, we become even more jaded and speculative: “What did he/she mean by that?” “What will he/she think if I reach for their hand/offer a hug, will they take it the wrong way?” Trust is replaced by walls: cinder and concrete block, by reinforcement bar… by brick. We’ve started building our house.
Mortar between those bricks is laid with every disappointment, with every broken promise and every emotional and physical pain inflicted by others in our lives and the wall grows higher. We become more focused on the maintenance of those walls and our interest in tearing it down wanes because we no longer have that sense of trust we were inherit-ably born with.
We begin guarding our hearts, our minds and our souls in a very proprietorial way.
Is it any wonder then, as adults, that we are afraid to open up to others, to express our feelings or opinions? Do we open the front door, the back door or just a window? We try to choose our words carefully and we rein in our spontaneity. We do all these things because we are worried about how it will be perceived by others and that our actions may be taken as more than others may welcome. A different point of view or difference of opinion become major barriers as we are all busy building our own houses.
Very few people can build a house alone. I don’t know what’s really being constructed in your house unless you tell me and you certainly don’t know what is being constructed in mine without asking. No two houses are alike and no house is made of glass. I would write more but I’m off to Home Depot myself for more building materials…..
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